It’s tough being a giraffe. Yeah yeah, you think it’s all easy, what with the long neck that lets you see really far and the kick-ass spots. But the jokes, my god the jokes! “Hey buddy, how’s the weather up there? Is it raining yet?!?”. Yeah, really damn funny. Stupid long neck.

Jokes aside, you want to know the worst part? Drinking hot coffee. Seriously, it’s a big deal if you don’t do it right. Go ahead, laugh, but you humans have it easy. When you drink something that’s too hot and it hits your stomach with a screeching ache, you simply grab a quick drink of something cold and BAM! it’s all back to good. But damn, when you’re a giraffe it’s a long way down! Seriously, I accidentally drank a cup of scalding coffee the other day and it felt like forever before the cold milk made its way to my tummy. Let me tell you, heartburn as a giraffe is a real pain in the neck, if you’ll pardon the pun. Choking on something also sucks. Ever have to give the heimlich to a giraffe?? Not fun and it takes forever to force whatever’s stuck back up.

You wanna know what else sucks about being a giraffe? Doorways. Humans make doors for their own stupid selves, not for your average giraffe. Yeah, I get it, I’m a stuffed giraffe who’s less than two feet tall but still, the principal remains. Doors are short, giraffes are tall, and concussions are a serious deal for my species. Not to mention ceilings, but that’s a completely different story. Let’s just say that I’m more of a fan of high, vaulted ceilings than these tiny eight foot jobs.

Let’s face it, though, you’re right, I’m just a stuffed animal. I spend most of my days in a closet or on a little kid’s bed. Now and again, a few weeks at a time, I spend my time in a cold (yet finished) basement. It’s fun when I get to play with the little boy. He likes to give me big squeezie hugs and shows me off to all of his friends. I’m not his only giraffe (by far), but I am definitely his favorite and giraffes are his favorite animal. Sure it may have to do with my being his first stuffed giraffe, but a big part of it is that I’m just flat out awesome! My most favorite part of the little boy is that he always likes to take me back to the zoo every year when he goes to visit the giraffes. Part of it is being able to see the real giraffes and marvel at how big I could be if I were real, the other just taking in the smells of my old stomping ground. It was at the zoo where the little boy bought me, where he hugged me for the first time, and where he didn’t let go of me for a very, very long time.

I sure do love this kid. Hope he doesn’t get bored with me but I know how it works. One day he’ll be riding on my back down the hallway, the next I’ll be in a box in the garage. Until then I’m going to enjoy his constant loving on me, the squeezie hugs, and the trips to the zoo. I just wish his little brother would stop throwing me down the stairs…